How To Lose the Division

How To Lose the Division to the A’s
By Lil’ Billy Ba-broken-vasi

I went on a vacation with my parents last weekend. I traded baseball cards with my brother the whole way there. It was a lot of fun.
He wanted Johan Santana for a few prospects. I said no, because you never know when you would want to trade them away for someone like Ho.
Then my friend from school called my mom’s cell phone. He's really good at collecting, and he wanted to know if I wanted a baseball card of a new guy from Japan that he says was average-to-above average. I offered him, like, 33 kagillion dollars for the card, and I'd come visit with my best friend John. He said he'd think about it, then hung up.
When we got to the hotel, I immediately ran in and started playing my PSP. Wait, first, I'm gonna tell you about John.
... MY FRIEND JOHN IS NICE!! He makes me smile, laugh, and when we have sleepovers, he even tells me secrets about him!!! We have pillowfights, we pick on lil' Mikey Hargrove (who we kicked out of our fort last year because he didn't like lil' Ichiro,) and we cry at the end of Forrest Gump in eachothers' arms. Right, Ichiro, that reminds me, he nearly left our fort last year, but then when lil' Mikey left, he got all better now. It scared us so bad, I decided that we needed a veteran friend like Ricky White. He drew bright red all over his chin during Nap time some time ago, which coincidentally happened when he started going to our kindergarten! WOW!!! It was so funny, I nearly went and renewed my friendship with lil' Chris Reitsma, who I kicked out last year after he betrayed me by throwing easy pitches to the other teams during recess >:(